Entries Tagged as 'small talk'

Why it’s not so easy to escalate verbally

The point of all the articles about small talk was to just chat. Now we’re getting into the seduction zone. ;-)

In the previous article I talked about the personal and the impersonal conversation. The former is with a friend, the later is with a stranger.

If you talk to a strange woman it can become weird pretty quick to even talk to her. One reason can be that she doesn’t know why you’re talking to her, another one can be that she thinks it’s boring.

To continue you must bring the conversation to a personal level.

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The Personal and the Impersonal Conversation

In this article I explain why a conversation with a stranger often leads nowhere.

What is the difference between a conversation with a good friend and one with a stranger?

Let’s have a look at two conversations. Once I’m talking to a friend, once to a girl I just met in a bar.

1
With a good friend…
Me: Hey, what’s up!
Him: Hey, I’m fine and you?
Me: Good good, yesterday I watched the latest Rambo movie. Wow it was incredibly violent, but for some reason pretty cool.
Him: What? You watch stuff like this?!
Me: Come on that’s cult!
[...]

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What to Say Next?

When I was talking to a woman I often thought about what I could say or ask next while she was still talking. I would ask a question and while she was answering I thought about my next thing to say. When she was finished talking I would say or ask it. Because I was only half listening and half thinking what to say next my next statement or question didn’t fit totally to what she said.

After a while this starts to be weird. The other person senses that the conversation is not quite right. Something feels a bit off even if the other person doesn’t understand consciously what is happening. Chances are that the conversation ends soon.

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Talk to Everybody!

einkaufswagenAgain I was in the supermarket at the cashpoint and did my mission.

In front of me in the queue there was an elderly man. When he finished putting all his shoppings onto the conveyor band he dropped his shopping basket onto the pile of baskets. He didn’t hit exactly so that his basket ended up lying diagonal upon the others. He bent down to correct it. I commented: “almost”. He looked at me, smiled and told me that he would practice every time and he would be pretty good already. We joked around that I would still be a total beginner in the shopping-basket-on-the-pile-throwing and that one should get a discount if you hit.

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How to Start a Conversation

What should you talk about?

The first thing you need to realize is that you don’t need to say anything spectacular. It doesn’t have to be super funny nor ridiculously interesting nor extremely clever. You can say whatever comes to mind. Anything.

The important thing is that you say it immediately!

Imagine you come into a situation, for instance the cashpoint in the supermarket. You’re saying hi. The cashier is calculating your stuff together. All the time you look at her wondering what you could say and after a another while you say: “how are you?”

That’s weird isn’t it?

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Mission Small Talk

small-talk-kameleSome time ago, I thought that to seduce a woman I need clever lines and jokes. And because I didn’t have those, I wasn’t successful. What a nonsense! Even if I would have had some of those super clever lines, what would I have said after?

Let’s forget about seduction for a moment. Something that is a lot more important is this: the ability and the skill to have a normal conversation with a stranger. If you cannot initiate a conversation and hold it then what’s the point of the clever lines and cool techniques? If you can be relaxed and have a normal conversation then you are already very very far.

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