Steve Pavlina: Personal Development for Smart People

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Steve Pavlina is writing a very successful blog since 2004. He is engaged in different aspects of personal development and was looking for coherence and general principles in personal growth. In his recently published book he presents a very smooth and elegant result.

I really liked the book. It showed me many new and stronger perspectives about life. In this post I would like to share some of them with you.

You can find a sample chapter one of the book in pdf here.

Part I

In the first part Steve Pavlina describes his seven fundamental principles of personal development.

The core principles:

We primarily grow as human beings by discovering new truths about ourselves and our reality. First we have to face the truth and accept it as it is. We cannot solve problems if we don’t admit they are there.

Every day you’re compelled to make connection decisions. By your actions you either decide to connect with someone or something or you decide do walk away from it. You can try to connect with people or you can draw back from them. You can connect with work and do it or you can procrastinate. Love is the conscious choice to connect with someone or something.

The attitude “everything is a part of me”: When you’re asleep and having a dream, do you assume that the other characters of the dream are separate from you? You do probably make that assumption while asleep, but when you awaken you know those dream characters are merely projections of your mind. Now what if you carried that same mind-set into the waking world? If you communicate with someone you’re actually explore some part of your own consciousness because that’s the only place where your relationships exist.

Power is the ability to consciously and deliberately create the world around you. Someone with strong power successfully cultivates a life of his own choosing. Power is about responsibility, desire, self-determination, focus, effort, and self-discipline.

The point of goal setting is to improve the quality of your present moment reality. Setting goals can give you a greater clarity and focus right now. Ask yourself: “how does setting this goal improve my present reality? Am I more motivated, more productive, and more happy now?” Don’t ask: “how does this goal improve my life in a year or five?” When you set a goal that improves your present reality, what does it matter how long it takes to achieve the final outcome?

The combinations of the core principles:

Oneness: Combination of Love and Truth
Love is the choice to connect. Oneness is knowing you’re already connected with everything. Oneness is pure unconditional love.

The body cannot survive without the cells, nor can the sells survive without the body. Oneness is the deep realization of this simple truth. To honor the principle of oneness, you must commit yourself to doing good.

Authority: Combination of Truth and Power
With authority, you not only assume responsibility for your life, you take complete command of it. Your control won’t be perfect and total, but you’ll be strong enough to achieve the important goals you set for yourself.

Courage: Combination of Love and Power
A courageous action requires power, which allows you to act even in difficult circumstances. The second requirement is love – the connection to your own core – which is the motivation of your action.

If you’re connected with your own core you act out of inner conviction and with heart. If you’re disconnected you experience fear.

Intelligence: Combination of Truth, Love, and Power
Intelligence is harmonious alignment with truth, love, and power.

Part II

In the second part Steve applies his seven principles to habits, career, money, health, relationships, and spirituality. I only address relationships because that’s what this blog is about.


Relationships and Truth
What’s the truth about your relationships? What’s imagined? How do you feel? Happy? Unhappy? What do you have? What’s missing? Keep in mind that your relationships exist only in your mind.

Relationships and Love
What mix of truth, love, and power do you use to connect with others? Your weakest communication channel is the source of many of your communication problems. Which mix of truth, love, and power is your partner using? Your similarities bring you closer, the differences help you grow.

Relationships and Power
The best relationships help to increase your power. The point of entering into a relationship is to increase your alignment with truth, love, and power. If you want to attract a high caliber partner align yourself more with truth, love, and power. If you want to attract an honest person work on your own honesty. If you want a loving and caring person work on those qualities in yourself. If you want a courageous partner work on your own courage.

Relationships and Oneness
When you want to reach out and develop new relationships, you need to remember that everyone else is already connected to you. Social conditioning teaches you to focus on the risk of rejection when approaching someone you’ve never met. Oneness teaches you to focus on the opportunities for connection. A rejection is a sign of incompatibility, so it can’t really be considered a bad outcome.

Relationships and Authority
You’re in charge of your own destiny. You’ll get the best results by consciously deciding what you want and taking action to get there. Taking command of your relationships means holding yourself in high enough esteem to know you deserve to experience the connections you desire.

Relationships and Courage
Courage plays an important role. You need courage to initiate a connection to a stranger and to get over the fear of rejection. You need courage to start an intimate relationship. You need courage to face the truth about a fading relationship. You need courage to end a relationship.

Relationships and Intelligence
One of the best things you can do to attract new people into your life is to focus on your own creative self-expression. By expressing yourself authentically, you draw others to you, making it easier to form compatible new relationships.

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6 Responses to “Steve Pavlina: Personal Development for Smart People”

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  4. tvsoc1 Thanks for good post

  5. Agreed - I have been reading Steve for a while now. It’s great help and one of my favorite bloggers. It doesn’t have much to do with seduction but I also thought about linking to him in my posts!

  6. I don’t view seduction as something strictly between a man and a woman. I think it’s about being or becoming an attractive desired man. Here personal development comes into play.

    Thanks for your comment.